Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed with all the things that needs my attention. Meals to prepare. House to clean. School work to be submitted.
Merely thinking of them makes me tired, that I end up just sulking the day away in self-pity.
I have worn the stay-at-home-mom crown for eight years now and I am happy with the decision of devoting my time and energy to be a homemaker. I wake up every day to be the best me for my family.
Walking the path to be the best mom, best playmate, best cook and best partner in life can take up so much of a person’s energy.
Feeling all these has turned me to a Mom I do not want my kids to have. Irritated mom who easily gets upset. I do not and cannot somehow find the time to give them my undivided attention.
“Do not mind the mess, and get some rest.” You may suggest.
I have heard that suggestion numerous times but then I cannot really take a good rest or have some quality me time when I know that all the mess is just there waiting for me.
“Just hire cleaners, then” That’s a good suggestion.
I feel so guilty employing extra help in the house. Hiring cleaners means another cost added to our finances. For me, it feels like I am wasting my husband’s hard earn money.
I feel like I have failed as a homemaker. One of the reasons why I am staying at home is to manage our home, right?!
I already noticed that my attitude towards the kids have changed how they open up to me. My once enthusiastic boy is now scared of telling me things. He would now start any conversation with “Mama, do not get upset ok, I just want to tell you that…”
I have to let go of the guilty feeling and just let go of unnecessary stress. Soon.
I want to bring back the happy mama my family deserve to have.