Family, Parent Talk
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Stay-at-home Mom

SAHM (stay-at-home mama) is a label attached to my name since we moved in the UAE, that’s more than 10 years now. The choice to be one was mine. 

Being one was certainly not a part of my 10yr plan back then. I’ve always imagined myself a career woman. When Coy left for work overseas, my Mama said ‘Go where your husband is if circumstances permit it’ and so I did. 

Ohh how I blamed her that first year away living the life of an expat SAHM. Why? I was tired with domestic life – infinite dishes to wash, endless laundry to attend too and a house that always needed cleaning. Add to that even after a days work, the effort was left unnoticed!

SAHM label often left me feel exhausted, lonely, angry, and worthless. I completely lost who I really is/was. 

I, myself no longer know me.

If you find yourself in that similar situation know that you are not alone and what you are feeling right now is VALID.

***

In a world where we are connected via social media, accomplishments are highlighted. 

Friends you once played with in the school grounds, now lawyers, doctors, accomplished in their fields; and while I am genuinely happy sending congratulatory wishes in between washing dishes…I begin to compare and question myself: What have I accomplished?

Accomplishments in the real world does not equal to an empty laundry bin or finally braiding my daughters hair.

I honestly cannot think of many. My son once asked me who I was outside of being just his mom, here. People’s eyes certainly don’t light up when I tell them I am a stay-at-home mom.

If you find yourself in that similar situation know that you are not alone and what you are feeling right now is VALID.

***

When asked the question “What are your hopes and dreams?”

My initial answers are “My dream is to see my children happy and successful in their chosen fields.” “I hope to see them build a happy family of their own.” 

But does that really answer the question? Is that really MY dream?

I have forgotten my own dreams, the ones where I would directly benefit from. One that is of my own. 

I have buried and forgotten the life I once imagined myself to be. I no longer even know how to dream for me. 

My personal dreams lost between my role as a mother and wife. Gone.

If you find yourself in that similar situation know that you are not alone and what you are feeling right now is VALID.

***

Whether you have stepped into the role of stay-at-home mom by choice or forced into it because of circumstances. You said YES to a role that is not for the faint hearted. Surviving today is already BIG accomplishment.

Know that you are capable of ditching the stigma that you are ONLY a stay-at-home mom. The TRUTH is you are capable of amazing things

You can focus on who you really are while giving your kids the greatest love they can ever receive. You are a woman who does not need any label because you are who you are!

I am still working on getting myself out of the stigma that I am a mere speck of sand in the vast desert. Here are some of the things I am doing that might help you too.

1.) What are you feeling right now? 

  • Acknowledge that emotion and if it is a negative one work on getting yourself out of it. I start my day, in a pause by counting backwards from 20 to 1 then I thank God for giving me another chance to work on the best version of me from yesterday (and yes sometimes you have to force yourself to even be thankful for waking up).  Starting your day with a grateful heart really makes a difference. When I am done with morning chores or just before that depending on what time I start my day, I take 5-10 minutes to sit down read or listen to daily scripture and script my day. I write down in present tense how I would like my day to be. It is simple as “I am going to finish two loads of laundry” or “I am the friend and parent my children needed me today” 

2.) What are the things that you love to do?

  • Incorporate 1 task a day that brings you so much joy. Something just for you. This can be reading few pages a day from a book you bought a few months back or even just a few minutes to daydream or draw.

3.) If you cannot find time to do the first two because you are overwhelmed with the tasks you have on hand, then do this: 

  • List three non negotiable thing you need to accomplish that day. Example, you need to pay your electric/water bill today or else the company will cut you off or you need to make the costume for your kids character day tomorrow. We need to be able to to identify this, I find that writing down things I need to do helps rather than just having them all in my head.

4.) Speak up! 

  • Let members of the family know (sit down with your husband) and tell them that you need to delegate things. No! I do not give you the permission to feel guilty, acknowledging that you need one is a strength. Superheroes work well with a partner.

I will stick with the above for now. 

All I have shared is a reminder to all of us that you can give your kids what they need and still fulfill yours by doing what you love… one day at a time. 

A small step is better than none.    

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This entry was posted in: Family, Parent Talk

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Hi, my name is Abigail a stay at home Mama of two LittleOnes and currently residing in Dubai, UAE since 2009. This is my little space online where I share activities, places we've been, food we enjoy and snippets of our daily expat life. ‘Cuddles and Crumbs’ is a combination of the two main things I share on this blog: cuddles (family) and crumbs (food).

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